Dating in this day and age seems to be needlessly complicated. Dating apps and social media seem to give us the impression of unlimited choice. People are too scared to settle down and are always on the lookout for an upgrade.
Some people are even turning to open relationships.
An open marriage or relationship is where both partners agree they can sleep with other people outside of their relationship. Some suggest that it’s the perfect answer to seek something new without technically cheating or causing issues.
Just like monogamous relationships, there are certain rules put in place to make sure nobody gets hurt.
People have been taking to Reddit to share their experiences of a polyamorous relationship and have been giving advice on how to do it properly.
“We set up a lot of ground rules initially, things like: you can’t hang out with that person all the time and sleep with them more than three times etc. Things that would mean that you were now in a relationship with someone else (we wanted open play, not poly relationships).
“Now we just can’t be bothered seeing other people and the sex was never as good as with each other. We might bring in a person to jointly play with once or twice a year, but we’re kind of just ‘over’ seeing other people. Honestly, mostly the same as before we were open.”
“For every stable, open relationship with solid rules that are adhered to very well there are 10 more train-wrecks in action.
“I’ve noticed some interesting patterns. Many times, the man initiates it, but the wife / girlfriend ends up getting way more than he does, and it alters the dynamic of the relationship considerably.
“The ones that seem more solid and lasting in the open state are the fully open ones. That is: multiple full on relationships, not just f****** around. (I suspect that this is because both people are truly committed to the lifestyle, and not just satisfying urges).
“I’ve also noticed a lot more stability in relationships that aren’t fully open where the openness has the rule where it’s only open on mutual attendance. AKA swinging and t*********.
“The reason the fail rate is so high, is not because it’s inherently ill intentioned. It’s just way f****** harder than a normal relationship. You have to be super on point and self aware at all times with your communication.”
“I was in polyamorous relationships for about 10 years, and for five of those years I was married.
“When I met my ex-husband we were both interested in exploring non-monogamy and didn’t see the need for strict monogamy in long term relationships. It was fun, terrible, super sexy, really difficult, and at some moments felt like the best thing ever. Things I learned:
:: Plan/schedule/ everything, your life gets super busy.
:: Tons of time will also be spent talking about EVERYTHING.
:: Negotiate and renegotiate rules, people’s boundaries change.
:: Be endlessly committed to self reflection and personal growth.
:: Be ready for exercising your patience for drama, even those trying to avoid it have drama because if you and your partner are dating multiple people you end up with a huge connected network and drama surely happens somewhere in that network at certain points.
“I feel like I gained some valuable skills and insight during my time practicing non-monogamy (like communication skills, managing my emotions, learning more about what’s most important to me, learning how to be good at being alone, being super awesome at negotiating sexual boundaries, etc.)
“While in my heart I still feel like I’m more naturally inclined toward non-monogamy than monogamy, I’ve actually found that monogamy suits me better in this current world/reality.”
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